Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Why We're Doomed (Sunday, December 7, 2008)

It popped up on Bloomberg that 4 Christmases topped the box office. I can't begin to describe the wave of shame and disappointment that washed over me.

First, look at the poster:
http://content8.flixster.com/photo/11/28/35/11283566_ori.jpg

Oh check out that sassy girl with her hands on her hips. But those boxes! If I wasn't tall enough, well shucks I'll use this shoeboxes. ANd who can forget Vince Vaughn's lame attempt to inject some sort of manliness into the mix. You looke like a pussy whipped giant oaf. If that doesn't send douche chills up your spine I don't know what can.

why would anyone go to this abortion through a projector? I can imagine the scene.

Vampire: Jesse, you know from lisa's gymnastics fundraiser, said they're going to Miami over Christmas. Remember when we did that three years ago?

Ray Ramano: (looking at Ass to Mouth and bukkake porno to get his mind of his fat wife who just totally let herself go) Yea honey?

Vampire: (stuffing the last piece of turkey into her gullet) I was thinking that we should do something like that. You know just to change the pace from work all the time.

Ray: Yea, sure

Vampire: It might put the spark back in our love life.

Ray: (shuddering) ah ha. (completely devoid of emotion) sweetie you want to hire a baby sitter and you know?

Vampire: (fatty's never full) Sure, let's go out to the olive garden. I hear they've got a new all you can eat special. Besides, I want to put my little black dress on (giggle). Just like Carrie! and you could be big!

Ray: (mumbling) oh, i didn't know you could put three in there

Vampire: What's that?

Ray: I was thinkin more like a movie.

Vampire: OH! Mandy said that movie from the guy from wedding crashers...who...i know it...its on the tip of...Vince Vaughn! she said it was really funny.

Ray: German Goo Girls?

Vampire: (fatty moves swiftly) I did movie phone (still living in 1999). It's four Christmases. I've got tickets for the 9:20 show. Well get ready honey. We hafta go now!!!

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